THE POWER OF FORGIVING
I’ve got a long resume full of mistakes. All of the should haves, would haves, and could haves that always emerge when it seems just too late. The things that I should have said to avoid that argument…the missed train that I would have made if I had just been a little bit earlier…the empathy I could have shown instead of judgment…the choice I could have made instead. Whatever the circumstance and regardless of the situation, we all make mistakes that we aren't proud of - that don’t represent our highest selves. We all have moments that, if we were able to travel through time, we wish nothing more than to take back. To choose a different path. To make a different choice.
However, friends, don’t get confused between reflection and dwelling. Reflecting on our mistakes and dwelling on them are two distinct paths we can take on our journey of self-improvement. When we reflect, we embrace an empathetic tone towards ourselves, recognizing that errors are part of our growth. Reflection empowers us to learn from our missteps, gain wisdom, and forge a brighter future. Dwelling, on the other hand, holds us captive to remorse, perpetuating negative emotions and hindering progress. Let us approach mistakes with gentleness, extending empathy to ourselves and understanding that true growth lies not in dwelling on our errors, but in courageously reflecting upon them and moving forward with compassion.
Oftentimes, dwelling on mistakes is to self-doubt as boiling water is to pasta. What starts out small and brittle cooks, simmers, and grows into our most determined critic and our most ruthless inner mean girl. When we make mistakes, they can trigger a cascade of feelings, leaving us questioning our abilities, worth, and even our identity. The more we focus on this cruel mean girl, the deeper her roots grow. She becomes a relentless companion, distorting our perceptions of ourselves and diminishing our confidence. Sometimes, she even causes us to lose sight of our extraordinary strengths and focus on perceived weaknesses, stifling our potential for growth. Our progress becomes hindered, opportunities are missed, and our self-esteem suffers. Let’s change the narrative: while you suffer from self-doubt, others are intimidated by your potential.
While I am nowhere proud of every bad decision I have made throughout my 22 years of life, I have used each one to learn, to reflect, and to propel me into the person I am today. And that I am proud of. The introspection, my hard work, and my dedication to healing and mental health have all led to the growth I have experienced as a young woman. And that does make me proud.
See, here’s the thing about mistakes: you can either remain stuck - dwelling in the pain you caused to others or others have inflicted onto you - or you can use it as a catalyst to start the phase of growth you were destined to experience. The good, the bad, and the ugly are all part of our uniquely beautiful journey to discovering who we are as individuals. You should celebrate the fact that you are willing to make mistakes, to learn, and to grow.
And that brings me to my next point: forgiveness. Forgiveness is like physical health - once you develop a habit of a forgiving mindset, you have to work to keep it. The power of forgiveness is a beautifully unparalleled force that has the ability to heal wounds, mend broken relationships, and set us free from the burden of resentment. Acknowledging our own fallibility and embracing grace for our past mistakes is crucial to our healing. By forgiving ourselves, we nurture self-growth, foster self-acceptance, and open the door to personal transformation. In forgiveness lies the profound capacity to restore harmony within ourselves and with others, offering us a chance at genuine healing and redemption.
Equally vital is the act of forgiving others. When we choose to extend forgiveness to others, we grant ourselves the gift of liberation from the shackles of anger and bitterness. It doesn’t justify or condone the wrongs done, but rather releases us from their grip, allowing us to move forward with newfound peace and empathy.
However, allow me to challenge the whole idea of forgiveness. When we set out to forgive others, our intention is so pure. Nonetheless, that notion inadvertently invites negative judgment to the situation. Without recognizing the process, we subconsciously tell ourselves that someone who wrongs us is, in fact, wrong - and we are right. Instead of forgiving others, I challenge you to view it as letting go of the situation. Forgiving is an active choice to offer understanding and possibly reconciliation. On the other hand, letting go pertains to releasing attachment to the negative emotions, memories, or situations associated with the wrongdoing. It is about freeing ourselves from the burden of anger, bitterness, and pain. Letting go does not necessarily imply forgiveness or reconciliation; rather it focuses more on personal healing, moving forward, and finding inner peace independent of the other person’s actions.
Take this idea and mold it to your own mistakes - freeing yourself from your burden of guilt, anger, bitterness, and pain. The strength found in releasing personal guilt and remorse of our own mistakes is overwhelming. It empowers us to transcend the burden of self-condemnation, fostering personal evolution and wisdom. By relinquishing self-blame, we cultivate self-mercy. Letting go yields room for us to embrace a new future untethered from the heavy chains of past regrets, opening doors to new possibilities and sincere self-renewal. Letting go gives life the chance to surprise us.
Because you can begin again - wherever you want and how often as you’d like. In the tapestry of life, the power to begin again lies solely in your hands. You can embark on a new chapter whenever you choose. Your destiny and trajectory are under your command alone. Be the author of your own narrative, shaping and reshaping it as you see fit. Embrace the beautiful chaos of your unique journey, for in its messiness lies the raw beauty of growth and self-discovery. Give life the chance to surprise you.
