LOVE: [ləv] (noun): FEELING DEDICATED TO ONE ANOTHER

Sometimes, in the hustle of our grand quest for love - the kind that movies and romance novels promise - we overlook the quiet whispers of affection that the universe sends our way every day. It’s in the margins of our lives, between the lines of our grand narratives, where we find the most authentic expressions of love. Not in grand gestures or passionate declarations, but in the sunshine after a rainy week, in the smiles of strangers, and in the comforting routines that frame our days.

Love is often first experienced in its most foundational form within the embrace of family. The gentle hands that guide our initial steps, the soothing voices that lull us to sleep, or the comforting arms that catch us when we fall. Yes, this love is unconditional - a steadfast presence that remains constant through life’s ebbs and flows. It teaches us about trust, security, and belonging, laying the groundwork for how we understand and seek love throughout the rest of our lives. Family love, with its deep roots and nurturing essence, offers a sanctuary from the world’s chaos, reminding us that, no matter where we go, there’s a place we unequivocally belong. But that’s not all.

Friendship introduces us to a love that is chosen rather than given by default. It’s found in the laughter shared over inside jokes, the supportive whispers in times of doubt, and the shared silences that speak volumes. This love is a testament to the human capacity for connection beyond bloodlines - a bond that is both empowering and liberating, encouraging us to grow and expand our horizons. Friendships remind us that love can be found in the choice to stand by someone, to choose them time and again, in joy and in hardship. But that’s not all.

Love is found in long-term partnerships…in the connections that span beyond initial stages of romances. This is a love characterized by deep commitment, mutual support, and a shared vision of the future. It’s in the everyday acts of kindness, in the compromises made in the name of harmony, and in the quiet strength that comes from knowing someone is by your side - always. This love is less about the fiery passion of early relationships and more about the warmth of companionship. It is defined by enduring a life that grows and evolves and by facing the beauty of the world together. But that’s not all.

In the quiet moments of solitude, we find a form of love that is often overlooked - the love of being alone with our thoughts, dreams, and presence. This love comes from the peace and acceptance found in our own company, where we learn to appreciate the subtle whispers of our own hearts. Solitude allows us to recharge, reflect, and reconnect with ourselves on a deeper level, offering a kind of self-fulfillment that is freeing and loving. It teaches us that being alone does not mean being lonely, but rather being alone offers an opportunity to cultivate a nurturing and compassionate relationship with yourself. But that’s not all.

Nature’s vast and varied expressions of beauty offer a profound sense of love that is grounding - pun intended - and transcendent. From the gentle caress of a breeze on our skin to the awe-inspiring spectacle of a beach sunset, nature connects us to something larger than ourselves. This connection brings a sense of belonging, peace, and an overwhelming feeling of being loved by the earth itself - and news flash: you are! Nature’s love is unconditional and constant, and it provides solace, inspiration, and rejuvenation. It reminds us of the cyclical nature - pun also intended - of life and our place within it. But that’s not all.

Sometimes, love whispers to us from the past through the nostalgia of old memories and keepsakes. It’s in the texture of a worn photograph, the melody of a song from your childhood, or in the scent of a familiar perfume that we are transported back to moments filled with warmth. This love defies time, offering a bridge to the people and places that have shaped our hearts. It’s a reminder that love, once felt, never truly leaves us; it merely changes form, evolving and waiting to be revisited with a simple trigger of a memory. But that’s not all.

When you’re looking for it, you’ll find that love comes from the most unexpected places. It could be a smile from a passerby, a comforting word from someone you’ve never met before, or an act of kindness from a stranger at a moment when it’s needed most. These fleeting connections can leave a lasting impression, reminding us of the inherent goodness and love that does still exist in this world. This serendipitous love is a reminder that even in our most isolated moments, we are a part of a larger type of humanity where love can, and does, cross the boundaries of our personal worlds. But that’s not all.

Finally, there is the love that is often the most challenging to cultivate: the love we hold for ourselves. This form of love is the beginning to all others, for it teaches us about self-respect, worthiness, and the importance of nurturing our own hearts. It’s in the moments of self-compassion during times of failure, the recognition of our own achievements, and the gentle reminder when we tell ourselves we are enough - just as we are. Self-love is arguably the most crucial form of love; it does not demand attention, but is the foundation upon which our lives are built. It’s a journey of acceptance, forgiveness, and growth, reminding us that the most enduring relationship we will ever have is with ourselves.

I invite you to pause. To look around and notice the love that envelops you in its quiet grace. It’s there in the morning light that fills your room, in the sweet tang of your first sip of coffee, in the laughter shared over a meal, and in the peace of a familiar song. This love, unassuming and gentle, asks only for your recognition. As we journey through our days, let us redefine our understanding of love. Let’s find it not just in the milestones but in the everyday, as these forms of love span across cultures and communities, speak a universal language, and transcend all barriers. For it is here that love reveals its truest form - vast, encompassing, and profoundly beautiful.

Life is filled with these forms of love woven together. To live is to truly recognize and cherish these instances of love, for they remind us that we are connected, alive, and that we are loved in countless, everyday ways. It’s no mistake that we’re here, experiencing this journey together. And in this realization, we find the greatest love story of all: our own.

SILVER LININGS AMONGST THE RUST: PART 2

In our journey through life, we encounter a collection of experiences, many of which are shrouded in pain, confusion, and, sometimes, a perplexing blend of both. It’s as if life is a masterful teacher, offering lessons in the most unexpected ways. These moments, whether they are losses that tear at our hearts or challenges that baffle our minds, are inherent parts of our existence. But, my friends, what I’ve learned is this: within these trials lies an opportunity - a hidden gem waiting to be discovered. I’ve said it once, and allow me to say it again: It’s about perspective. When we shift our gaze, looking not just at the painfully confusing but through it, we start to see the strength that comes from surviving, the wisdom born from understanding, and the unexpected joy that often follows turmoil.

It’s in the art of finding silver linings within these challenges where life’s magic sparks. Just as a painter brings a canvas to life with a spectrum of colors, so too can we paint our lives with hues of optimism and resilience. Embracing this mindset isn’t just about staying positive; it’s about fundamentally changing how we perceive and interact with the world around us. In this transformation, we find that the very obstacles we once feared become stepping stones to a richer, more fulfilling life. In this post, allow me to bring to life “challenges” that many face while finding their place amid newfound independence and invite positive silver linings amongst the rust.

Challenge: Losing connections and friendships after graduation, as everyone ventures off in different directions.

Silver Lining: As we and our friends scatter, pursuing various paths and dreams, it offers a unique opportunity to expand our own horizons. The beauty in this dispersion lies in the diverse experiences that we and our friends gather along our separate journeys. When we reconnect, we share not just memories of our college days but also new stories, insights, and growth. These interactions become richer, infused with the wisdom and experiences gained from different corners of the world.

Another beautiful aspect of this circumstance is the freedom and intentionality we possess in weaving our social circles. Post-grad, we are gifted with the opportunity to choose our friends, not by circumstances or convenience, but through deliberate choice and mutual values. This period allows us to cultivate relationships that resonate deeply with who we are and who we aspire to be. It’s in these intentional connections where the quality of friendships surpasses the quantity. These friendships are nurtured through meaningful conversations, shared experiences, and mutual respect. While it may be more difficult to foster these friendships, there is beauty in the intentional choice to invite these special connections to take deep root in our lives. These people mirror our own aspirations and challenges, are guiding lights that help us navigate life’s complexities, and become a chosen family filled with support and love that enriches our lives in immeasurable ways.

Challenge: There is an incredible amount of external pressure to have every aspect of life, career, and future plans meticulously figured out upon graduation.

Silver Lining: This pressure, while intense and overwhelming, can serve as a catalyst for self-discovery and personal growth. It encourages us to deeply introspect and evaluate our true desires, strengths, and aspirations. A grounding and liberating practice I encountered while navigating this challenge was taking a values quiz; finding out what matters to me most created an opportunity for me to align my life’s practices with my most authentic self. In shying away from this pressure, you break away from the conventional trajectory and explore a variety of options, perhaps leading to unexpected and more fulfilling paths. 

Moreover, this challenge fosters independence and the realization that success is nonlinear - not always a straight, upward trajectory. It’s often a winding path with ups and downs, teaching you to redefine success in more personal and holistic terms, rather than just traditional markers like job titles or salaries. By doing this, you create a shift of uncertainty and pressure to an enriching period of growth and self-discovery. 

Challenge: Inviting self-care to take a seat at your table while working tirelessly to excel in your career; the puzzle of work-life balance.

Silver Lining: Navigating the delicate balance between work and life is undoubtedly a challenging aspect of post-grad life. However, finding this balance in your day-to-day routine fosters essential skills like time management, prioritization, and setting boundaries - abilities that enhance personal effectiveness in all areas of life. It encourages the cultivation of discipline and the art of juggling diverse responsibilities while leading a purposeful life. Striving for balance illuminates the importance of self-care and mental well-being, underscoring the fact that taking time for yourself isn’t a luxury, but a necessity. 

See, productivity isn’t always about being on the go; sometimes, it truly means taking a step back to rest and rejuvenate. Recognize your need for rest as a crucial aspect of self care, and that taking time to disconnect, unplug, and recharge is just as important as crossing items off your to-do list. This journey towards equilibrium teaches the invaluable lesson of flexibility and adaptability, as one learns to adjust and recalibrate in response to life’s changing circumstances. Work-life balance takes a mindful approach that acknowledges setting boundaries around your time is essential to long-term success.

This perspective doesn’t negate the reality of our hardships; rather, it gives us a way to embrace them. Think about a tree that stands firm in the face of restless winds; it doesn’t grow weaker, but its roots delve deeper, making it stronger. Similarly, when we choose to view our struggles as catalysts for growth, we allow ourselves to find resilience and hope amidst adversity. The power of perspective is akin to a ray of sunlight breaking through the darkest of clouds - it illuminates the silver linings, the lessons, and the small blessings that are often overlooked. Remember, life’s beauty is not just in the moments of clear skies and calm seas, but also in the way we dance in the rain and navigate the storms. With each challenge, we’re not just surviving; we’re learning to thrive, to let go of expectations, to find the hidden positives in a sea of negatives, and ultimately, to discover a deeper sense of ourselves and our place amidst life’s intricacies.

SILVER LININGS AMONGST THE RUST

Just the other day, I came across an old fortune from an arcade machine that has seen the curiosity on many faces and felt the rattle of many coins. “You may be riding the winds of change. Things may at times seem to be out of touch. Soon, they will come down to a better order.” These generic words were weaved together and, although entirely coincidental, resonated with my life so much that their ambiguity turned into specificity. Let me explain…

Six months ago, I said goodbye to life as I knew it…to my little bubble that was college. Transitioning from the cloistered rhythm of college life to the sprawling dance of the post-grad world is like stepping out from a cozy, familiar room into the beginning of a vast and unpredictable dawn. There’s a bittersweet tang in the air - the nostalgia for late-night conversations (to my college roommates: I miss you so), impromptu study sessions, and the comforting routine of semesters and breaks, all now giving way to the sharp zest of adulthood. The weight of newfound responsibility nestles into your shoulders as you pack up your college life, memories folded between clothes and textbooks. The thrill of your first job mingles with the anxiety of unknown challenges, while the independence of moving into your own place is a heady draught of freedom mixed with a hint of loneliness.

Yet, amidst this disorienting journey, there’s an underlying pulse of life, a promise that with every step taken, the foggy feeling of uncertainty will gradually lift, revealing a landscape reshaped, but richer in its complexity. One of the most trying adventures is that of self-discovery when you shed your past identity and take the form of a new one. The challenge lies not just in embracing the unfamiliar, but in reconciling it with the essence of who you once were. Ultimately, it’s a dance between honoring former versions of yourself while nurturing your emerging persona. So, my friends, if you have been feeling lost along this ride called post-grad, this one’s for you. Let’s embark on this rewarding journey of self-discovery together.

I have a confession to make: it’s quite human, this habit we have of glancing sideways, eyeing the path others tread, measuring our stride against theirs. But here’s a gentle reminder: when you compare your journey to someone else’s, you’re only seeing the surface of their story, not the sprawling, complex map of their reality. There’s a subtle peril in the act of comparison. It can lead you astray, away from the unique narrative you’re meant to write with your own days. You see, each life is a distinct melody, and when we compare, we risk drowning out the music we’re meant to make with the noise of what we think should be. Still, everything that you need to live a fulfilled life is already inside of you; there has never been a time when you haven’t been capable and worthy - you just forget. In order to get to where you desire to be, you have to remove all of those negative lies you tell yourself, because you will never compare yourself to someone else and come out even. And trying to be what you’re not takes up a lot of fucking energy. 

Focus instead on the authenticity of your story. It’s in embracing your individuality that you’ll find true direction and satisfaction. Use milestones you’ve passed as a compass, not the seemingly shining moments of another’s voyage. By nurturing your path with intention and celebrating your victories, no matter how small they may seem, you create a life that’s rich with personal meaning, not shadowed by comparisons. It’s in this harmony of self-acceptance and focused personal growth that the most fulfilling chapters of your life will be written. You’ll find a silver thread of peace woven through your days because you’re no longer chasing someone else’s dreams; you’re building your own out of the bedrock of your convictions, your joys, your trials. How do I do this? Believing in yourself is a powerful catalyst for growth and achievement. This belief isn’t just about self-confidence; it’s an acknowledgement of your potential and the understanding that each person brings a unique set of talents and perspectives to the table. When you prioritize authenticity over conformity, it not only leads to greater fulfillment, but it will also inspire those around you. 

One of the biggest lessons to come out of learning my place in this world is to be present. In the midst of life’s tumult, with its constant stream of challenges and uncertainty, finding presence and gratitude can be your anchor. Like sitting with an old friend beneath the shelter of an ancient tree, this practice can offer you solace and clarity. It’s in these quiet, reflective moments that the layers of life’s complexities begin to peel away, revealing the core of who you are and what truly matters to your heart. And gratitude? It creates a light that doesn’t erase the darkness, but illuminates the overlooked beauty of your life that quietly persists - the laughter that cuts the sorrow, the hope that sprouts in adversity, and the shared glances of understanding that shout, “You’re not alone.” You will learn that here, amidst the chaos, you have reasons to smile, to appreciate, and to love.

So, my friend, if you are feeling lost, remember this: if you overlook the small joys and beauties scattered throughout your days, the true richness of your life might go unrecognized. Take a breath, pause, and absorb the myriad hues of life’s canvas. Reflect on connections you cherish, laughter shared, and quiet moments that resonate with your soul. Give yourself permission to appreciate who you are, embracing self-compassion as the cornerstone of your contentment. Practice gratitude for the journey you’ve navigated, the personal victories, and the sweetness of your everyday routine. Notice the affection you hold for others, but also turn that warmth inward, celebrating the unique person you are. It’s in this introspection and thankfulness that life’s beauty is amplified, and what was just a glimpse will transform into a vivid, enduring presence in our daily existence.

Learn to find love in the little things. In the cup of hot tea on a fall night, and in the morning walks not to lose weight, but to hear the birds sing and to feel the warmth of the sun span your face. Learn to love the way the pages of your favorite book feel, worn with the joy of flipping through its chapters with anticipation. The way you feel when you compliment a stranger and their face lights up…and learn to love the hug of a friend you haven’t seen in ages. Learn to enjoy deep conversations with one rather than small-talk with several. For, it is in these moments of true connection with life and with others that we feel most at peace. Learning to love yourself, to cherish the little things, and to embrace life in all its unpredictability could just be the secret to feeling more at home on this wild, mysterious journey we’re all on.

HUMANIZING THE SEASONS

Is it in the tender embrace in which the world awakens from its slumber, painting the landscape with a kaleidoscope of colors…in the way the gentle rains orchestrate a symphony on rooftops, and rivulets meander playfully down the winding streets…in which the birds return from their distant lands, their melodies like sweet lullabies, weaving dreams into the hearts of all who listen?

Or is it in the way that sunflowers stretch towards the sky, their vibrant face basking in the warm affection of the sun…in the way that fireflies ignite the night, their luminescent dance sparking the imagination of those who watch in wonder…is it in the long, hazy evenings that invite dreams and contemplation as stars twinkle like forgotten promises above?

Perhaps, it is in the trees that shed their summer attire while the leaves descend like a confetti parade, rustling beneath our feet…in the scent of cinnamon and pumpkin spice hanging in the air, welcoming the heartwarming blanket of fall…and in the way the days grow shorter while the sun casts a golden glow that bathes the world in an enchanting aura.

Or could it be in the way that frost traces delicate patterns on windows reminding us of nature’s intricate artistry…when animals don their winter coats and the world seems to slow down, as if pausing to catch its breath…in which snow-capped mountains stand tall like guardians, their majesty a testament to the raw beauty of what is to come?

I find myself yearning to know the season that sets your spirit alight. I have always struggled to find my answer to this question, as if it is on the tip of my tongue yet refrains from being set in stone. No matter what your response brings - no matter which three months we favor - the Earth refuses to stop spinning. The color of the leaves refuses to stop changing from emerald green to rustic orange. The ocean tide refuses to halt in its tracks.

You could stare at a clock until the battery runs cold, but the hands will never cease to spin. You could deploy everything within your power to never grow old, yet your wrinkles and grey hair will transcend the inevitable. You can never stop the change of seasons. Life, like the seasons of the year, will always change and bring new moments of silver and gold. 

And - contrary to societal pressure - I think that is beautiful. It is so rare, unique, and beautiful that humans are gifted with navigating life as if it were the transitioning seasons. Gifted with the awareness that the winters bring the summers…that the lows bring the highs. Life is an ethereal tapestry woven from the threads of countless experiences, each one leaving an indelible mark upon the fabric of our existence. 

From the sweet taste of our first love that lingers like a stolen kiss of sunshine to the poignant farewells that sculpt the contours of our hearts, every emotion paints vibrant hues upon the canvas of our souls. The pursuit of dreams, the triumphs over adversity, and the bonds we forge with kindred spirits create a masterpiece that defies time. Through the storms of sorrow and the glistening tears of joy, we discover our resilience and depth of our capacity to love and endure. 

In moments of solitude and reflection, we find the key to unlock the enigmatic labyrinth of our own selves. It is the serendipitous encounters, the unforeseen detours, and the magic of spontaneity that lend life its exquisite charm. Life’s kaleidoscope of experiences forms the essence of what makes our journey truly extraordinary, leaving us with a story to tell, a legacy to leave behind, and a profound appreciation for the fleeting wonder that is life. 

So, my friend, let yourself feel. Let yourself feel all of the emotions that come with the experience that is life. Find the glimmers within each and every day that leave an everlasting smile on your face. And when your eyes fill with salt-filled tears, let them stream down your cheeks. Invite the chill of winter with the reassurance that the warmth of summer is right around the corner. With the perpetual comfort that spring and fall lie within the extremes bringing profound growth and preparation for what is to come. It is so incredibly humanizing to fully understand that emotions are a beautiful thing - to know that growing up means being willing to sit in the uncomfortable, heart-wrenching periods in order to inspire appreciation for the moments that allow everything else to make sense. To know that, because you feel pain, love came first. 

Life’s journey is akin to traversing the ever-changing seasons, a symphony of transformations that mold us into who we are meant to be. In the spring of our youth, we bloom like delicate buds, full of potential and innocence, as we receive the world’s wonders with wide-eyed fascination. As we venture into the summer of our prime, we bask in the warmth of success and experience, embracing life’s vibrancy and exuberance. 

But as the autumn of maturity arrives, we gracefully shed the old, gaining wisdom from the falling leaves of memories and cherished lessons. Finally, in the winters of our lives, we find serene beauty in reflection, and the snow-cloaked days remind us that life is both fragile and resilient. Each season brings its own joys and challenges, sculpting our character and painting our souls with the colors of growth. As we dance through the seasons, we embrace the passage of time and the eternal cycle of renewal, knowing that life’s journey is a gift to be cherished. 

In the storyline of life, the true beauty lies not in shying away from emotions, but in embracing them with unyielding passion and courage. For it is in the depths of our feelings that we discover the richness of our humanity. To feel joy is to experience euphoria, to dance on the precipice of elation. To feel sorrow is to touch the tender fibers of empathy, forging connections that bind us to one another. 

Each emotion is a brushstroke on the canvas of existence, adding depth and nuance to our shared story. By immersing ourselves in the full spectrum of emotions, we become alive, vibrant, and truly whole. Through feeling to the fullest capacity, we unlock the door to the raw, exquisite beauty of being alive. It is through vulnerability, this openness to feeling, that we discover the boundless reservoir of strength that resides within us, enabling us to weather life’s storms and savor its most tender moments with equal reverence. To embrace this delicate, beautiful journey of seasons we call life.

EMBRACING THE UNCONTROLLABLE

I used to be obsessed with Legos. Yes, I was the nerdy, and a little bit weird, 8 year old girl who spent her after-school hours connecting roads, assembling cars, and constructing buildings that came out of a cataloged instruction manual. While I wasn’t building extravagant spaceships or Star Wars battlestations, I cautiously ensured every white-briked house was protected by grass-lined fences and flowerful gardens - I was a sucker for curb appeal even back then. And while my tiny town buzzed and glistened with minifigures out and about, I couldn’t help but feel powerful for simulating this false reality. 

See, living in a simulation is like playing with Lego bricks on a cosmic scale. Just like those mini plastic pieces, life’s building blocks can be rearranged in countless ways. In this simulated reality, we’re all minifigures exploring the intricate connections of an otherworldly user guide. Sometimes, the universe throws us a curveball, like stepping on a Lego brick in the dark - we’ve all been there… 

And that brings me to my point. Have you ever thought that the world as we know it might just be a simulation? That we are living in a proportional snow globe with a mastermind looking in, shaking and reshaking to elicit the daily habits we practice every day? That we are someone else’s Lego minifigures in a carefully sculpted universe, mindless to our own thoughts? In a way, I’d like to believe that is true. Let me explain.

Whether you believe in a God, in a higher power, or some other all-encompassing ultimate universe, it is comforting to remember that you aren’t in control of everything 100 percent of the time. Clearly, we are not living in a simulation. Nonetheless, accepting that you are not responsible for everything is liberating. Life, my friend, is a symphony of unpredictable melodies and unexpected harmonies. We often find ourselves frequently seeking control over every aspect, desperately clutching the illusion of mastery. But what if, just for a moment, we loosen our grip and embrace the beauty of the uncontrollable?

See, throughout our lives, there exists a delicate interplay between the things we can control and those we cannot. Understanding this distinction allows us to channel our energy wisely and find a sense of balance amidst the unpredictable currents of life.

Firstly, we have control over our thoughts and our attitudes. The way we perceive and respond to the world is within our grasp. We can choose to cultivate a positive mindset, embrace gratitude, and develop resilience in the face of challenges. Our thoughts shape our reality, and by harnessing their power, we can navigate life’s ups and downs with grace. 

Similarly, our actions and our behaviors are within our realm of control. We can strive to make conscious choices aligned with our values and our aspirations. Whether it’s pursuing our passions, maintaining healthy relationships, or practicing self-care, our actions have the potential to shape our path and impact the lives of others. 

On the other hand, there are aspects of life that remain beyond our control. We cannot impact the actions, desires, or emotions of others. Their responses to us and the world around them are their own to navigate and process. Moreover, take time itself: we cannot halt its passage or rewind its hands. However, we can choose how we utilize and cherish the time we have, making the most of each precious moment. External circumstances can only ever comfortably sit in the external locus of control - meaning we have to make conscious decisions to prevent outside situations from impeding our positive mindsets. 

Imagine life as a captivating dance, where we gracefully sway to a rhythm beyond our comprehension. We may choose the steps, but the music plays on its own accord. We can meticulously plan, but the universe has its own whimsical choreography, forever surprising us with plot twists and surprise guests. When we do this, we let go of the expectation hangover that unwelcomely confronts us when we are disappointed. 

In this grand play of existence, the unpredictable becomes our greatest teacher. It reminds us to relinquish our need for absolute control and to surrender to the enchantment of uncertainty. Like a river’s current, life flows effortlessly, guiding us to unforeseen destinations, and inviting us to trust in its divine wisdom. 

Instead of resenting the uncontrollable, let’s celebrate its presence. It spices up our journey, adding zest to the mundane and depth to the extraordinary; it teaches us humility, reminding us that we are but participants in this grand existence, not its sole architects. 

So, friends, take a deep breath, and embrace the untamed wilderness of life. Be curious, be adaptable, and be open to the magic of the unknown. For then, we learn to dance in the rain, reveling in the serendipitous adventures that color our lives. It is in surrendering control that we discover true freedom, and in the unscripted moments, we find the essence of our most authentic selves.

THE POWER OF FORGIVING

I’ve got a long resume full of mistakes. All of the should haves, would haves, and could haves that always emerge when it seems just too late. The things that I should have said to avoid that argument…the missed train that I would have made if I had just been a little bit earlier…the empathy I could have shown instead of judgment…the choice I could have made instead. Whatever the circumstance and regardless of the situation, we all make mistakes that we aren't proud of - that don’t represent our highest selves. We all have moments that, if we were able to travel through time, we wish nothing more than to take back. To choose a different path. To make a different choice.

However, friends, don’t get confused between reflection and dwelling. Reflecting on our mistakes and dwelling on them are two distinct paths we can take on our journey of self-improvement. When we reflect, we embrace an empathetic tone towards ourselves, recognizing that errors are part of our growth. Reflection empowers us to learn from our missteps, gain wisdom, and forge a brighter future. Dwelling, on the other hand, holds us captive to remorse, perpetuating negative emotions and hindering progress. Let us approach mistakes with gentleness, extending empathy to ourselves and understanding that true growth lies not in dwelling on our errors, but in courageously reflecting upon them and moving forward with compassion. 

Oftentimes, dwelling on mistakes is to self-doubt as boiling water is to pasta. What starts out small and brittle cooks, simmers, and grows into our most determined critic and our most ruthless inner mean girl. When we make mistakes, they can trigger a cascade of feelings, leaving us questioning our abilities, worth, and even our identity. The more we focus on this cruel mean girl, the deeper her roots grow. She becomes a relentless companion, distorting our perceptions of ourselves and diminishing our confidence. Sometimes, she even causes us to lose sight of our extraordinary strengths and focus on perceived weaknesses, stifling our potential for growth. Our progress becomes hindered, opportunities are missed, and our self-esteem suffers. Let’s change the narrative: while you suffer from self-doubt, others are intimidated by your potential. 

While I am nowhere proud of every bad decision I have made throughout my 22 years of life, I have used each one to learn, to reflect, and to propel me into the person I am today. And that I am proud of. The introspection, my hard work, and my dedication to healing and mental health have all led to the growth I have experienced as a young woman. And that does make me proud. 

See, here’s the thing about mistakes: you can either remain stuck - dwelling in the pain you caused to others or others have inflicted onto you - or you can use it as a catalyst to start the phase of growth you were destined to experience. The good, the bad, and the ugly are all part of our uniquely beautiful journey to discovering who we are as individuals. You should celebrate the fact that you are willing to make mistakes, to learn, and to grow.

And that brings me to my next point: forgiveness. Forgiveness is like physical health - once you develop a habit of a forgiving mindset, you have to work to keep it. The power of forgiveness is a beautifully unparalleled force that has the ability to heal wounds, mend broken relationships, and set us free from the burden of resentment. Acknowledging our own fallibility and embracing grace for our past mistakes is crucial to our healing. By forgiving ourselves, we nurture self-growth, foster self-acceptance, and open the door to personal transformation. In forgiveness lies the profound capacity to restore harmony within ourselves and with others, offering us a chance at genuine healing and redemption.

Equally vital is the act of forgiving others. When we choose to extend forgiveness to others, we grant ourselves the gift of liberation from the shackles of anger and bitterness. It doesn’t justify or condone the wrongs done, but rather releases us from their grip, allowing us to move forward with newfound peace and empathy. 

However, allow me to challenge the whole idea of forgiveness. When we set out to forgive others, our intention is so pure. Nonetheless, that notion inadvertently invites negative judgment to the situation. Without recognizing the process, we subconsciously tell ourselves that someone who wrongs us is, in fact, wrong - and we are right. Instead of forgiving others, I challenge you to view it as letting go of the situation. Forgiving is an active choice to offer understanding and possibly reconciliation. On the other hand, letting go pertains to releasing attachment to the negative emotions, memories, or situations associated with the wrongdoing. It is about freeing ourselves from the burden of anger, bitterness, and pain. Letting go does not necessarily imply forgiveness or reconciliation; rather it focuses more on personal healing, moving forward, and finding inner peace independent of the other person’s actions. 

Take this idea and mold it to your own mistakes - freeing yourself from your burden of guilt, anger, bitterness, and pain. The strength found in releasing personal guilt and remorse of our own mistakes is overwhelming. It empowers us to transcend the burden of self-condemnation, fostering personal evolution and wisdom. By relinquishing self-blame, we cultivate self-mercy. Letting go yields room for us to embrace a new future untethered from the heavy chains of past regrets, opening doors to new possibilities and sincere self-renewal. Letting go gives life the chance to surprise us.

Because you can begin again - wherever you want and how often as you’d like. In the tapestry of life, the power to begin again lies solely in your hands. You can embark on a new chapter whenever you choose. Your destiny and trajectory are under your command alone. Be the author of your own narrative, shaping and reshaping it as you see fit. Embrace the beautiful chaos of your unique journey, for in its messiness lies the raw beauty of growth and self-discovery. Give life the chance to surprise you.

DINNER CONVERSATIONS WITH MY OMA

She is a globetrotter. She is a businesswoman - a perfect example of what it takes to succeed as an entrepreneur. She is an artist, with her artwork on display in galleries, embedded in murals, and framed all around her house. She is a gentle woman, whose positivity and light radiates like the sunshine she adores. She is the glass-half-full and is always on the hunt for the gold at the end of the rainbow she firmly believes is there. She is the light in the midst of the gloomiest of night skies. She is a firefly soul with a yearning for learning, even still in her 80s. She is a mother of two and a grandmother of eleven. She is my Oma, my grandma.

What began as little notes of all of the advice she has given me over the years has turned into quite the list of beautiful reminders I turn to when in need. So, I feel it is only right that I let you in on the secrets to happiness, to life, to education, and so much more I have been ever-so-stingily keeping to myself. My wish is that you find it just as valuable as I do.

On decision making:

“There is a saying I have always told myself and your mother: ‘onward and upward.’ Now, I’m not saying you won’t ever fall backward or downward, but every decision you make should be made with that goal in mind: onward and upward. When you’re presented with a fork in the road, always make the decision that brings you closer to your goal. It is also so important to take risks in your life. After I was newly divorced, I moved to a new country with my daughter hand-in-hand, two suitcases, and without the promise of a job. That decision didn’t come lightly - I thought about it for a long time, and weighed all of the pros and cons. The one thing I couldn’t ignore, however, was my gut. When your gut is telling you to do one thing over another - listen. Your gut is your higher self speaking to you and guiding you. And then - once you arrive at a decision - be confident enough to follow through immediately. Full throttle ahead. The waiting phase came while you were weighing your options. If you truly believe a decision is right for you, bring it to life!”

On relationships:

“While you may have several standards and expectations for a potential partner, the most important, top of the list, non-negotiable requirement of someone you are investing in a relationship with is respect. Mutual respect. Someone who remains respectful of your individuality and what you bring to the table as a person, and vice versa. You are never going to find your clone of a human being. Appreciate those differences as long as they don’t compromise your integrity. The second most important: that you love them and that they treat you well. You should never try to change someone; find the person who encourages you to be the best version of yourself, motivates you to follow your heart, and pushes you to reach your goals. 

You also need a partner who shares the same principles, rather than values, because their principles and morals will guide such values. These same principles will ensure you are traveling through life in the same direction and toward the same end-goals. Think of it as what you both want to be doing when you’re 80 years old; two lines with arrows pointing in the same direction usually means you’re compatible.”

On mistakes and painful situations:

“You never stop learning. Socrates said it best: ‘The only thing I know is that I know nothing.’ Every experience you encounter in life is an opportunity to learn - to grow. Did you have a bad relationship? You now know what red flags to look for in the next person. You now know what you need, what you want, and what you are willing to sacrifice when it comes to your next relationship. Did you make a mistake that hurt someone? Reflect on what you learned from it and what you can take with you to ensure you are working to become the best version of yourself.”

On life:

“You are an asset. And you have assets. The two most valuable assets you possess include your life experiences and your education - whether it is a high school diploma, technical skills, a bachelor’s degree, or a doctorate. No matter the level of education you have earned, use it to your advantage and sell yourself. Your life experiences shape who you are and reward you with perspectives you can bring to the table. When I moved, I had nothing other than my wisdom and experience accumulated - I held those things close and used them to propel myself and my career. I started from nothing yet made everything of myself to provide for your mother. Every moment of life is worth living. The good, the bad - they’re all a gift given to you so you can learn, can grow, and can make them your assets.”

My Oma is an inspiration to me, to all of her grandchildren, and I hope to you as well. She built a life she is proud of and continues to do all that makes her life worth living: love her family, travel the world, and learn every day. To keep her mind refreshed, she still attends college classes at nearly 80 years old. If you take nothing else from this piece, remember this: the power of the mind is incomparable. The way you speak to yourself and the affirmations you repeat daily are so incredibly valuable. If you want something, tell yourself you already have it. If you want to accomplish a goal, believe in your heart of hearts that you have already done so. Speak everything into existence. Love yourself, follow your gut, and always, always, take the risks that make you happy.

“BACKWARDS” DATING IN HOOKUP CULTURE

I’m convinced I was born in the wrong generation. Not because my favorite music genre is 70s soft rock - Dan Fogelberg is unmatched. Not because I believe social media could quite possibly be the downfall of my generation. Not because I like going to bed early, dozing off with my herbal tea in one hand and my romance novel in another. Not because my friends consider me an “old soul” or because watching a Nicholas Sparks movie in bed sounds ten times more appealing than vodka sodas at my college bar scene. But because I have realized I don’t fit in with my generation’s normalcy of hook ups.

Now, I would be lying if I said I haven’t fallen victim to a saturday night fling after one too many tequila shots. However, I will be the first to admit I always woke up feeling emptier than the night before - regretting having given myself to someone who couldn’t appreciate all I had to offer as a person. Someone who didn’t know what values I prioritize or the aspirations that motivate me. Someone who didn’t know why I cry every time I watch a father’s speech at his daughter’s wedding. Who didn’t know the meaning behind my tattoo. Someone who didn’t know why my walls are up or why I am so guarded. Someone who didn’t know me.

That’s the thing about putting physical intimacy before emotional intimacy: you become attached to and invested in something not much more than surface level. You alter the chemicals in your brain without reason. Hookup culture sponsors a reverse timeline of dating - of getting to know someone. It forces young people to compromise the beauty of intimacy and confuse “hooking up” with true connection. With love. Instead of getting to know someone in small increments, the process of “dating” becomes backwards. Deep, meaningful conversations coming later rather than the other way around. You become attracted to a version of someone - an idea or fantasy of someone. I am convinced I was born in the wrong generation.

It wasn’t until I went on a couple dates with a man who was 9 years older than me that I realized how monumentally different dating habits are between our generations. That - although I know what I want and can envision how a relationship should be - I am navigating uncharted territory and re-learning how to “date.” How to take steps to get to know someone. How to take an inventory of their values, priorities, and personality to see if they align with mine. How to undo the “backwards” dating patterns that have been ever-so-ingrained in my culture. 

With my experience in jumping the gun comes a lesson I wish I had learned sooner: that my body is valuable and should only be shared with someone who acknowledges my soul first. Who appreciates my soul’s value. And that I should appreciate that value even more. See, self-esteem plays an enormous role in today’s culture. Personally, when I didn’t cherish myself, I looked to others for that validation. It’s human nature to seek connection and approval and it is even harder to change those erroneous thought patterns once you become accustomed to them. But it is time that we change that.

I once heard a quote that has stuck like glue: until you know yourself, choosing a partner is like coordinating a shirt with a pair of pants…without knowing what the pants look like. Impossible. Well, sometimes we are the pants. Before you can invest in a relationship, you have to invest in yourself. Once you give yourself the validation you seek from others, you will become independently happy. 

One thing I have learned as a marketing student is how to create a consumer avatar in order to market to your target audience. An arbitrary “someone” that mirrors the needs, desires, and characteristics you want your product or service to appeal to. Someone who yearns for what you have to offer. While it appears as though I am digressing, let me bring it all together. The same consumer avatar concept applies so greatly to dating - putting thoughts of who you want to meet into a tangible outline. An outline that matches your values system and highlights qualities you need in a partner. 

Surround yourself with others that reflect what you wrote. Decide what qualities you are looking for in a partner and date people until you find someone who can match your needs and desires. Until you find someone who knows the deepest parts of you and appreciates the deepest parts of you. Until you find someone that truly sees you rather than simply viewing you.

In a moment of honesty, dating is hard. Being vulnerable and open to finding and nourishing a connection is scary. Putting yourself out there can be a daunting task. But if you are seeking that missing piece of a relationship, being nervous is only going to hold you back. Be confident in knowing that you are enough and that you don’t need validation from others to determine your worth. Instead, have fun with it! Go into it with an open mind, knowing your values system and the qualities you envision in a partner. Narrow down those that don’t match your outline to avoid investing in something that might do more harm than good. Give yourself time - time to get to know others and time to navigate a new relationship in the best way that serves you. Say no to people that don’t respect you and your boundaries. Say no to people who aren’t searching for the same true, genuine connection you are. Say no to people who don’t fit your avatar. 

You deserve to have someone in your life that shows you what it feels like to be loved. Who values you and chooses you the same way you choose them. To have a healthy connection that empowers you rather than taking power away. A connection so beautiful that it gives every other wrong turn meaning. Find someone who knows, appreciates, and celebrates you.

LOVE LETTER TO LIFE

Some find it as a captivated reader exploring their favorite novel. Some discover it in a movie theater watching the box-office-breaking film they couldn’t wait to experience. Others, in that one comfort show playing in the background - where every new rewatch feels like the first time watching. For me - it was in a song.

The life-changing, riveting quote that you swear was written, spoken, or conveyed solely for your ears - that forever changes your perspective on life. The monumental quote that you can’t imagine living the rest of your life without remembering.

“How rare and beautiful it is to even exist” found me nearly 8 years ago - a young freshman in high school embarking on a new journey; lost and wondering where my future was headed. Ryan O’Neal, the lyrical and musical mastermind behind Sleeping At Last, sang of pure poetry in “Saturn.” Combining the power of instrumental creativity and reassuring lyrics, I found a beautiful pair that left me utterly speechless. 

As the song continues, listeners are told “the universe was meant to be seen by [their] eyes,” a testimony to how valuable each and every one of us are to this crazy world we live in. Unknowingly at the time, these two lines would remain an anchor in my everyday life. So much so that I decided to tattoo Saturn on my skin, creating a permanent reminder of the feelings of self-love and importance I felt the first time I heard the cello pause and these lines begin.

A few months ago, my curiosity blossomed and I became invested in the history, meaning behind, and motives for writing this song. Three hours later, I found myself unimaginably deep into a rabbit hole of the complexity of “Saturn.” O’Neal is inspired by his mission to tell a story and connect with his listeners in a deep, meaningful way. His wish for this song  was to draw a parallel between the beauty of Saturn with the tune of a cello. With the first two minutes purely instrumental, it is safe to say I was on the edge of my seat filled with anticipation for what was to come.

While it has been long debated who is teaching the “courage of stars” and “explaining the infinite,” my faith has led me to believe as if I was having a conversation with my creator - God speaking His love for me and reminding me that it is no mistake how His plan has unraveled in my life. 

Hope. Comfort. Love. Three undeniable feelings this song left me with. 8 years later, these two quotes have taught me priceless lessons to carry with me for the rest of my life.

Perspective: the first lesson. I don’t know about you, but stargazing has always been a calming pastime of mine… watching in awe of the vastness of the universe. Space being a constant reminder that everything is so incredibly bigger than me. That I am one soul out of many. That my mistakes, lessons, and trials are minimal. Simultaneously, I am reminded about how special and far from coincidental it is that I am here on this earth - a part of this magnificent universe - grateful for the ability to take in such beauty. 

With life comes inevitable trials; everyone is bound to experience them and become shaped by them. However, perspective. Keeping this in mind serves to make the pain I have already and will encounter much, much smaller. After all, this universe is not only bigger than me, but it is also so much bigger than my struggles. If the stars are full of perspective, then so shall I. 

Self-compassion: the second lesson. This world we live in today tends to be extremely unkind - ridden with comparisons and misconstrued representations and expectations of perfection in all aspects of life. Navigating this new world proves to yield some difficulties. My generation has been stripped of resiliency, unable to combat the hurtful posts, comments, and texts. Instead, I have learned to make a daily, conscious decision to create my own definition of my life - free from judgement of others. Starting with speaking to myself the way God would speak to His children, followed by gentle reminders from “Saturn.” 

Let me state it again (while you read this, substitute my voice for yours): it is so incredibly rare and beyond beautiful that I exist, and when I doubt my purpose, I know that the universe was meant to be seen by my eyes. Say this with me: I am supposed to be here. The universe would not be the same without me. Grace: a concept unknown to some - yet given so freely to others - begins with me and begins with you. That one test you failed isn’t going to matter years from now when you’re excelling in your dream career. That awkward date last week will be a mere memory when you’re sipping wine with your spouse while your kids play in the backyard. We are all striving to be loved by other people, but the greatest prize is when you love yourself. Love yourself and cherish your unique existence - don’t take life so seriously. Be patient with yourself; know that you are good and that you are learning. And that you are on this Earth for a reason.

Faith: the final lesson. Faith is defined in many ways and comes in many forms personal to you. Whether you find your faith in God, in the constant support from family, or in those friends that exude soulmate energy, faith is evermore. It is inspiring and it is reassuring. It is the basis of hope and persistence. When I felt God speaking to me through the lyrics of “Saturn,” I was reminded of His steadfast love that grounds me. Guides me. From wherever your faith stems, I hope that when you find your quote, you feel it in your bones and you know it to be the truth.

As I begin to conclude this letter, I present to you a challenge: find that quote from your favorite novel, that debut movie, the background episodes that never get old. Search with intention, and when you find the quote that sends chills down your spine, never forget it. Relate it to your life in beautiful ways and keep it in the forefront of your thoughts for when it is needed. I encourage you to explore what it teaches you.

Life is rare and it is beautiful. It is the little things that end up meaning the most. It is the friendships that make the moments you were strangers feel like an entirely different lifetime. Life is knowing your family will always be in your corner. It is a gift all-too-often taken for granted. Life - your life - is all things good and true. It is no mistake. And it is created to be celebrated. Simply, life is love.

FINDING PURPOSE IN THE HEALING

It’s the very first question that humans naturally ask. In fact, even toddlers instinctively find a way to cultivate letters and sounds - asking this question to grow their minds. To let their curiosity explode with learning and exploring the world around them. The meaning of this question serves as the basis of understanding, and it transforms itself and translates into every-day life as a maturing young woman. It comes as no surprise that I - and most likely you, too - continuously ask this same question 21 years later.

Why? Why me? Why now? Why is this happening? Sound familiar? Throughout my life, I’ve always heard the saying: “growing pains” - meaning you have expanded into a new version of yourself and it is uncomfortable. And I stand here to argue that it rings true. Navigating this unprecedented world while balancing learning about yourself, writing and re-writing your own personal values system, growing from mistakes, and planning for your unwritten future is nothing short of difficult. Of exhausting. Like driving down a gravel road at midnight without a GPS. 

Now add in trauma. Whether we confess to ourselves or shimmy down the thin line of denial, we all encounter it in some form or another. At some time or another. It could stem from your childhood, from drama spiraling in high school when your life appeared like a Mean Girls reality, or from an abusive relationship. Whatever the source - it is real and you aren’t alone. Mine was the latter.

Here’s the thing about trauma: you feel its effects now and you feel its effects in the future. When I thought I was coping in the best way, I looked in the mirror and exponentially became unrecognizable. Losing myself - no longer loving myself - and avoiding the healing necessary to become the strong young woman I was placed here to emulate. My mistake: letting my trauma keep me stuck instead of using it to propel growth. 

It wasn’t until I hit my personal “rock bottom” that I decided it was more than time to change - to work on myself and to love myself more. I reached out to my therapist, became intentional about self-help, and regularly reflected. How does this relate to healing from trauma? I found myself facing my pain headstrong and consciously - asking myself why? I don’t have all of the answers - and maybe I never will - but I do know one thing: I have a voice and a past that has yielded wisdom and empathy like no other. And I want to use this platform to share with you what I wish someone had told me sooner. Our wounds are beautiful and are there to teach us lessons about strength and perseverance. Beginning with: strength. It is not about how much weight you can bear, but rather the grace you exhibit in the midst of it. And believe me when I say “you have more strength in your heart than you believe.”

Now, albeit contradicting the entire title of this post, let me challenge an idea and goal that so many young women find themselves chasing: that you are on a journey to find your sole purpose. Purpose being defined as the reason we have been created and why our souls connect with those around us. Like our one true purpose is an end-all, be-all achievement. Like the most important dot on your timeline. However, I disagree. I believe we all have several purposes in life. We are created to laugh. To love. To learn. To explore. To create. To form connections and friendships. To nourish relationships. To find happiness. If you cycle through life searching for your “purpose”, you risk not living in the now. Not finding joy in the little things. Not being present. Not being happy. 

Instead, find your passion - or multiple passions. Find the hobby, the job, the career that excites you. Know the difference between passion and purpose and know that one is not a reflection of the other. While I would argue all humans share the same purposes - the qualities of life that make it so valuable and worth living - we all have different passions. Passions that are unique to every one of us and passions where you can showcase your talent. Projects you embark on when you hear inspiration speaking to you at 12:37 am. 

How do you find your passions? First: change your perspective. Sometimes we are our own biggest obstacle and loudest critic - believe me, you’re not the only one. However, shifting your perspective, speaking kindly to yourself, and firmly believing you are deserving of all things good will manifest in so many positive aspects in your life. Second: recognize what you love. What makes your heart skip a beat; what gives you butterflies full of excitement when you envision it becoming reality. Find what makes you the happiest and center your habits and activities around it. Third: you have to get out of your comfort zone. As cliche as I know this sounds, growth rarely occurs within the walls of comfortability and normalcy. Try something new, take a different class, read a book out of an entirely different genre. Find the joy in the uncomfortable and you just might surprise yourself. Last: have faith in yourself. Open your eyes and believe - actually believe - that you are spectacular and unstoppable. Overcome your fears and uncover your passions. 

See, purpose is much less the most important dot on your timeline; rather your purpose is found within every dot, every moment, and every endeavor you will embark on. Recognizing that you have already found your purposes gives you a light at the end of the tunnel. Something to look forward to. A reason to push through the trauma and the pain. Something to find simultaneously in the healing process. Healing is not linear and it looks vastly different person to person. What is helping me along my journey might not work for you - and vice versa. But knowing you don’t have to have it all put together to discover and celebrate your purpose is a comfort we should all become familiar with. And knowing that you deserve to be happy and to heal proves to help like a blanket in the cold. 

While I am still asking myself the same question - Why? - and probably always will, one thing remains: that I am doing better than I was yesterday. That the love for myself I was once convinced was gone has made its way back into my heart. That the person in the mirror staring back at me has grown and healed more than I ever thought possible. That I deserve to find my purpose in living, in laughing, in loving, in learning, in exploring, in creating, in friendships and in relationships. That I deserve happiness. That I deserve to let my creativity and individuality shine through my passions - passions like writing this and designing and making playlists long enough to make it through an apocalypse. And that you deserve it too.